Teaching Our Children About Stranger Danger

By Joan Grayson Cohen, LCSW-C, Esq.
Access Services
Jewish Community Services

When growing up, how many of us heard “Don’t talk to strangers or “Don’t accept candy from strangers.” Does that advice still apply today? If so, what meaning does it have for our children?   What are the specific dangers that we need to be talking to our kids about?

“Don’t talk to strangers” seemed to cover danger when I was growing up. I felt that if I abided by this rule I was safe. I had to have my Halloween candy checked by my parents before I indulged in those treats, but there wasn’t a lot more that I had to worry about.

We very rarely heard of missing children or children being harmed by strangers. Internet dangers were an unknown threat. (I have to admit it; we didn’t even have personal computers when I was a child.)  So when raising my own children, I had to expand my knowledge on what dangers to teach them about and what tools I had to arm them with to keep themselves safe.

When our children are younger, we can protect them more easily because we have control over who they are with and where they go. But, we still need to begin “stranger danger” and other safety conversations at an early age.

As our children venture out into the world, they find themselves in situations where they will need to make decisions about safety on their own. Different stages bring on new challenges.   Elementary school children need to learn not to go with strangers. Middle schoolers should be aware of what to say to a caller. They should not answer the door when they are at home alone. Because predators on the internet present a new kind of “stranger danger,” children need to learn about internet safety.

I am not trying to scare you, but rather to encourage parents to initiate conversations about safety with their children in order to prepare and protect them.

The key is to find the balance. If we alarm or scare our children, we are just creating anxiety.  Instead, we need to arm them with the awareness and the strategies to prepare them to keep themselves safe as they are growing up. Understand what information will be helpful to have at a certain age and share that when youngsters are about to encounter new experiences and environments.

This is not a one-time conversation, but many conversations that must take place as a child develops. Each discussion reinforces the earlier ones, while adding more information as the child can understand it. Then they can pull out the information when it is needed, almost like hearing an inner voice saying what to do in a particular situation.

Here are some tips:

• Know your child and determine how much information is sufficient to give him about important safety issues so as not to cause unnecessary alarm.
• Give your child specific examples so that if he encounters that scenario, he will know what to do. For example, is it OK to respond to a stranger who asks, “What’s your name?” in a store when you are with Mommy, but not when you are by yourself?
• Role -play a situation so your child can practice how to react. For example, how would your child know if it was safe to go with an adult who tells him, “Your mother sent me to get you?” Role-play how your child should answer the phone when parents are out. What would you tell your child to say when the caller asks, “When will your parents be back?”

By giving our children information and tools, we create a safe place where they are able to ask questions and learn strategies to protect themselves.

However, we all know that there are times when, despite a parent’s and a child’s best efforts, a child could fall victim to danger. If something should happen, having developed good lines of communication and trust with our children will enable them to tell us about a troubling experience.

Our job as parents is to find the balance: without frightening our children. We need to teach them to be savvy and to exercise a healthy caution in order to navigate safely in the world.

Check out these websites with some of the new tricks predators are using:

• http://www.ortv.org/Charter/17_lures_predators_may_use.htm
• http://voices.yahoo.com/stranger-danger-tricks-lures-child-predator-662297.html

Learn about programs, services, education and support for parents and families with children of all ages>>

For more information, call 410-466-9200.

How to Get Noticed and Get Credit for Your Ideas at Work

By Lisa P. Cohn, PHR
Employment Specialist
Career Services, Jewish Community Services

Have you ever wondered how some people at work seem to get noticed and acknowledged more than others?
Maybe you prefer to keep a low profile at work. If so, this strategy may not always be to your advantage. You may need to become your own advocate!  We are not talking about ego here, but about getting recognized and appreciated for what you do. It’s also about not missing out on opportunities for advancement.

Get Noticed
First, look for the opportunities to get noticed for your ideas in the work setting, and consider your approach to getting recognized. You may need to push yourself a little. Ask for more responsibility and take on more projects when they are offered.
Remember that the people you associate with represent you, so develop a close network of professional peers and subject matter experts. Spend some time getting to know your supervisor on a personal level and seek out constructive feedback on your work performance.  Get to know your boss’s boss, your peers and other individuals within various organizational levels.
Consider meeting one-on-one with others in the organization to ask them about their personal career paths and how they secured their current roles in the organization. Make a point to attend major events such as annual meetings, local networking events in the community and organizational supported lunches, breakfasts and initiatives.

Get Credit
Now that you are noticed, consider what return you are looking for from the organization. It is important to prove yourself behind the scenes in your department or division before you go in front of a wider audience.
Once you feel comfortable in your role, start to advocate for yourself and tell your peers about successful projects and initiatives in which you played a part or that you want to expand. Keep documentation about the projects you’ve participated in and your role. This can be helpful when it is time for performance reviews/evaluations or if questions arise about your contributions to the organization.
In order to get credit, you must give credit to others when credit is due. Remember to recognize any and all members of your team who helped you achieve a specific goal, challenge or objective, no matter how big or small. Leave your ego out of the equation and focus on a formula for advancement and success. Keep in mind that actions and behavior speak much louder than words!

General Tips:

• Agree to take on a new project, even if you are not initially interested in the assignment.
• Don’t apologize to your supervisor or team if you have a new idea that is different from the past.
• Be your own personal advocate.
• Give credit when credit is due.
• Consider seeking out a mentor or mentoring a peer who is new to the organization, which may highlight your organizational involvement to others. This will also show that you want to learn from other, or that you want to directly help others achieve success in their careers.
• Pick your battles carefully and decide when you most value recognition from others.

Although you may not immediately see the results, realize that the proof is in the pudding.
For example, I once worked on a small team at a non-profit company, where one of my peers would take all of my ideas and claim them as her own. I kept quiet and did not challenge these ideas when presented. As a result, I made an effort to discuss new ideas with this peer only during meetings or in a team environment where others were present.This individual stopped asking me for new project feedback and personal ideas, except in the group setting, and eventually the group clearly saw that I was the originator of the new ideas and prior ideas.

The number one way to get noticed and make your mark in a professional setting is to actively advocate your ideas for improvement, but also to have patience. Realize that some initial ideas may be met with uncertainty, but that this is a standard part of any process. A bump in the process also allows you a slow down period to better evaluate your goals and effectiveness.

Join current and future business owners at the next JCS Entrepreneur and Business Meetup>>

Read how to resolve interpersonal relationships at work on THE ASSOCIATED’s blog>>

We all need somebody to lean on……

By Barbara Levy Gradet, LCSW

Each of us, at some time in our lives, is likely to find ourselves facing one of life’s challenges.  It may be the stress of caring for an aging or ill parent.  It may be the upset and insecurity that come with job loss.  It may be the uncertainty of how to respond to a child’s separation anxiety. Or, it may be the struggle of trying to overcome feelings of unhappiness.

Our natural tendency is to confront these issues on our own.  Sometimes there is even a feeling that if we can’t solve all our own problems or if we can’t pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps, something must be wrong with us. When did it become a weakness to need some guidance and support?  Why is it okay to help others but not accept help from others?

At Jewish Community Services, we have always seen bumps in the road as normal, healthy parts of living.  Life is becoming increasingly complex, so the need for supportive services has continued to grow in our community.  A greater number of seniors needing services to age with dignity is placing strain on more families than ever.   Our hectic, fast-paced lives have impacted our relationships.  The risks and challenges facing our children and teens today have us worried and confused.  The recession has left many of us needing expert assistance to find a job in a shrinking, highly competitive job market.  And with so much going on, it is no wonder that we are feeling more stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed.

Recognizing the realities of life today, THE ASSOCIATED and JCS have responded by making resources, services, and support even more accessible by opening a new full service JCS office in Owings Mills.   In addition to our Park Heights office, all of our services are now available at the JCC in Owings Mills.  This exciting location makes our services very convenient, not only to JCC members, but to the entire Northwest Baltimore County community.

As always, JCS is dedicated to “HELPING YOU SOLVE LIFE’S PUZZLES.”

Call 410-466-9200, visit www.jcsbaltimore.org, or stop in to learn about our many SOLUTIONS.

The entire community is invited to an Open House to celebrate the opening of the new JCS offices at the Owings Mills JCC on Sunday, May 20, from 9:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.  Take a tour and receive a special gift.  Meet our staff and find out what JCS can do for you and your family.

Now I Understand

By Ashley Pressman
Executive Director
Jewish Volunteer Connection

When I began working at Jewish Volunteer Connection in 2004, I wanted to find new and innovative ways for Jewish young adults to volunteer. Working with a committee, we decided to bring dinner to the Ronald McDonald House once a month.  When asked why we chose that project, I answered that the families staying there were going through a tough time and we could help to ease their burden by making sure they had a hot meal when they got back from the hospital each night.

I knew the answer to give. It’s a good and true answer.  But I didn’t really understand.

A few years later, I reconnected with a college friend through Facebook and entered her life at a point when her 2 ½-year-old son had recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor. Through Facebook, I followed her through treatment and, ultimately, to a stay at a Ronald McDonald House in New York.  I remember her posting about the nights when she would stumble home to get a few hours sleep while her husband sat at their son’s bedside.  And I remember thinking – I hope someone’s making sure that she gets something to eat.

And then I understood.

I understood that ultimately, we serve because there are people in need and problems to be solved. When all is said and done, we don’t volunteer just because it feels good, although it does. We don’t do it just because it’s a resume-builder, although it is.  We don’t do it just because we think we might meet that special someone at a volunteer project, although we might (just ask me and my husband).

We volunteer because we recognize that someone is in need and we have the power to help.  As the Jewish sage Hillel says, “If I am only for myself, What am I?” For me, the answer is “I am a part of the community.”

Recently, after nearly four years, my friend learned that they are again entering the battle against brain cancer.  I feel helpless. What can I do? How can I help?

Now I understand.

I can help by making sure that a family in Baltimore dealing with a medical crisis doesn’t have to worry about dinner by bringing a meal to any of Baltimore’s three hospital housing facilities (including the Hackerman-Patz House at Sinai Hospital.) I can make sure that the siblings of children with chronic medical needs get special attention through the Jewish Big Brother Big Sister program. At my son’s birthday party in a couple of weeks, I can get the guests to make get-well-soon cards for my friend’s son and children like him.

At JVC, our motto is “Go Forth and Do Small Things.” It’s easy to become overwhelmed by problems we think are too big for us and situations we fear we can’t affect.  But as Pirke Avot says, “It is not yours to finish the work, but neither are you free to desist from it.”

Now I understand.

I can’t do everything.  But I can do something. Everyone can do something.

For more information about volunteer opportunities in the community, visit www.jvcbaltimore.org or contact JVC at 410-843-7489 or apressman@associated.org.

Find other volunteer opportunities>>

Small Loans, Better Lives

Medical emergencies. Late rent. Home improvements. School tuition payments. Where there is a need, Hebrew Free Loan is there.

The Hebrew Free Loan Association, HFLA, has been doing business in Baltimore since 1898. An agency of THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore, its role is just as its name implies: an agency that has made thousands of no-interest loans to the people of Jewish Baltimore. Dovid Yisroel Katz, an accountant with Katz & Associates, P.A. in Pikesville, currently serves as the president. He says the agency sees three to four new applicants each week and typically more than half of those applicants qualify for a loan.

How does it happen? Each Thursday evening, between 7:00 and 8:30 p.m., the HFLA office, located at 5750 Park Heights Avenue in the Jewish Community Services building, is open. A team of dedicated volunteers from all walks of Jewish life see potential loan recipients, to hear about their plights and to determine if they qualify for funding.  As each applicant applies, he or she must present his or her need and demonstrate that he or she can repay the loan – HFLA is governed by the guidelines set forth by the Internal Revenue Service.  The recipient must provide a guarantor for approximately every $1,000 loaned.

Who makes it happen? The volunteers … and only the volunteers (with overhead support by The Associated). While many Federation free loan associations exist throughout the United States, HFLA is one of very few that has no paid professionals on staff. A voluntary board – with some members that have served for decades – does all the work. The board is proud to have fathers, sons, uncles and nephews on the board together.

What types of expenditures are covered? There’s a wide range, including medical and dental bills, down payments on automobile purchases, rent and utility bills. Loan applicants have received money for window replacements to make their homes more energy efficient. HFLA has provided funds to assist with tuition payments, including those for college books and living expenses. In addition, HFLA provides loans for weddings, funerals, bar and bas mitzvahs, for Pesach food and tickets to Israel.

How much can you get? As much as you need, but typically loans are around $3,000. Currently, there are about 150 to 175 loans outstanding, with around $250,000 due. However, the HFLA has the ability to fund substantially more loans.

Why not charge interest? It’s the Jewish way. According to Katz, the HFLA follows the mandate proscribed in parshas Mishpasim: “If you lend money to one of my people among you who is needy, do not be like a moneylender; charge him no interest” (Shemos 22:25).

Does this really have impact? YES! The stories speak for themselves. Take the Scheer family. When they needed help with the medical bills that mounted after Roberta’s treatment for breast cancer, a neighbor suggested they seek help from the HFLA.

“The interest-free loan we were able to get enabled us to pay our bills and get our footing after a really trying time for our family,” Roberta says. “The loan officer treated us with compassion and respect. I am so grateful for having a place to turn when we really needed someone.”

Today, says Katz, the success stories are in the thousands. The most gratifying is when past borrowers become co-signers on loans for others. “Those are individuals who once needed help, but are now in a position to help others,” he says.

Do you or someone you know need assistance? Please contact the Hebrew Free Loan Association of Baltimore, an agency of THE ASSOCIATED, at 410-466-9200, ext. 216 or hfla@jfs.org. Learn more online at www.hebrewfreeloan.org.

Growing Up with a Sibling Who Has Special Needs

By Emily Hecht

For twenty-one years I have had a brother with High-Functioning Autism.  Some might say that having a sibling with any type of special need can be difficult, challenging, often times overwhelming, and even frustrating.  However, being a sibling to someone who has a disability can also be exciting, motivational, powerful, and stimulating.   I have experienced situations with my brother where I have felt all of those emotions, sometimes even at the same time.   I firmly believe that I have grown up very differently from other young adults who have not been raised with a sibling with disabilities.   Although I did all of the things that other children my age did, like play sports, participate in drama classes and go to camp, something was always different.

Unlike most boys, my brother hated sports and still does, probably because he could never tolerate physical contact, even a loving hug.  Most girls my age who were interested in sports spent hours playing outside with their older brothers; however, I did not because my brother preferred to stay inside and watch TV or play on the computer.  Most boys did not want to play imaginative games with their little sisters, but since I was interested in drama, I would enter my brother’s sometimes-imaginative world and we would act out scenes from movies or make up skits and scenarios.

Both my brother and I went to camp and for a long time we both went to Camp Milldale, where my brother was in the Inclusion program.  Although it was great that we  were able to go to the same camp, I constantly worried about him.   I worried if kids in his bunk were making fun of him; I worried if his counselors knew where he was.  I worried about everything.   Although not all of these situations were bad, I had very different experiences from other children my age, and they significantly shaped not only my early childhood but the present as well.

I feel as if my parents did an amazing job making sure that I received enough attention, felt comfortable in my own skin, and felt comfortable being open and honest with those around me about my brother.  Although it took some time, and it did not happen overnight, I truly see having a sibling with a disability as a blessing, and nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed by.  But developing these thoughts stems from the compassion and love my parents gave both to me and to my brother, and the individual attention and support I received throughout my childhood and young adulthood.  My parents anticipated how I might react in certain situations with my brother and my peers,  thought about what could be embarrassing or make me stand out, and they tried their hardest to make sure that I was always comfortable and never felt different or isolated from others, despite the constant differences I always experienced.

Growing up with a sibling with special needs has changed my life.  It has motivated me to dedicate my life to children with disabilities as I am currently pursuing a career in Occupational Therapy.  My love for my brother, his abilities and the special things about him that make him unique, as well as all of the children I have met through my pursuits and experiences,  have truly pushed me to devote my energy and passion in my life to children with special needs.

All the Things I Can Do, by Daniel Hecht>>

Jewish Disabilities Awareness Month, by Janet Livingston>>

THE ASSOCIATED for people with special needs>>

All the Things I Can Do

By Daniel Hecht

Sometimes I hear people talking about disabilities as something negative.  I have Autism, so sometimes I have trouble understanding things I read or what people are saying, and it is also hard for me to understand their emotions.  For me my disability means that I might need help doing things, like the laundry, or cooking, or understanding school work.  But mostly I like to focus on all of the things that I CAN do.

I can go to college at the Community College of Baltimore County and take classes in the Single Step program such as Language Arts, Math, Personal Employment and Independent Living.  I can find my way around the campus and buy my lunch or snacks at the cafeteria.  I take the van to school, but last year I took MTA Mobility by myself.  Even though it did not pick me up at my house I would take it from the Rosenbloom Owings Mills JCC.  I like my teachers and my friends at CCBC.  I get homework and I am able to complete my assignments.

I can work at Mr. Charles Market.  I have worked there since high school.  I wash the dishes and pans, help with the laundry, cut vegetables, take out the garbage, stock the shelves and other things that my bosses, Chef Aharon and Chef Stu, ask me to do.  They explain the directions so that I can understand and they are patient with me.  I also have a job coach, Tony (from Abilities Network) and he helps me with the dishes and other assignments.

I can go to the movies by myself or with my friends.  I don’t drive but my parents and sister give me rides.  I like to do activities with my new friends from the GILD group.  We have fun going out to dinner and spending time at people’s houses.

I can work out with my trainer Denny at the JCC.  I have been working out with Denny for several years every Sunday morning.  He has taught me how to use the machines such as the treadmill and rowing machines.  He has taught me how to jump rope, play basketball, throw and catch a Frisbee and lift weights.

I can travel with my family and by myself.  I have traveled to Israel three times to visit my sisters and to attend their weddings.  My favorite city is Tel Aviv and I like going to the beach. I have flown on an airplane by myself to visit my sister and brother-in-law in Utah.  They took me camping in Yellowstone National Park, which was great.  I hope to go back to Utah to visit them.

I can use the computer, especially Facebook, to send messages to my family and friends.  I also like to watch movies and TV shows on Netflix and on the television and the computer.  I also like to play Wii games such as Dance Dance Revolution, Mario Cart, and Movie Trivia.

There are so many things I can do that I don’t let the things I can’t do or need help to do bother or upset me.

Want to live like Daniel or know someone who could benefit from people like him? Check out the robust services available for people with special needs in Jewish Baltimore.

Techno-Savvy Grandparents Keep in Touch

By Irene Kushner
Support Services Coordinator
Service Coordination, Jewish Community Services

Last year, the nation marked the 65th birthday of the first Baby Boomers.  The rate at which this age group has adapted to technology is understandably lagging behind the generations who have come after them. But the rate at which their children and grandchildren are using technology is climbing very fast.

Today, millions of American families are separated by distances that are too wide to make day-to-day grand-parenting possible.   Just look around.  How many of your friends, colleagues or neighbors live in families with three generations present? How many grandparents live near their children and grandchildren?

The more family trees branch off — as children head out of state to college, Boomers relocate for work, and grandparents move to warmer areas — the harder it is to stay in touch.  Geographical distances strain the real life, face-to-face relationships that we value.   It’s very easy to take important relationships and slide them to the side if they are not in front of you as often as those on your computer or phone.

Many grandparents will tell you they’ll do everything they possibly can to communicate with their grandkids.  Most Boomers understand they must jump on the Facebook/Skype/texting bandwagon, or be left permanently out of the loop.  Grandparents are using their own ingenuity to keep their grandchildren emotionally close, and more and more are embracing the new technology.  They reap enormous emotional benefits through online communication with family and friends.  The Internet uplifts their spirits and creates new life for them, making them feel young again. Video conferencing is the most satisfying experience that enables seniors to see and talk with their loved ones in real time.

Here’s what seniors are saying:

“I’ve got 2 grandkids. If I send them a text, they will respond 10 times quicker than they’ll respond to a voice mail.”

“I can log on to Facebook to see what my grandkids are doing through their posts.  I love seeing pictures of their activities and travels.”

“You can write messages any time to your grandchildren without disturbing them.”

“I get a thrill out of impressing my granddaughter with my technical know-how.”

We grew up with lined paper and the heft of a fine writing instrument.  But now there is an entire generation of kids growing up who have never experienced what life was like before social networking sites.  There are a million arguments for completely ignoring Facebook and other social media:

“Why can’t they just…?”

“What was wrong with…?”

“Hand-written this or that…”

And nobody under the age of 40 cares about any of it.  None of it matters anymore.  We are old dogs who must betray the saying and learn new tricks. We must commit to keeping up with the way that communication happens today, or else it will be happening among all the people we care about, without us.

Do you think it’s the adult children’s responsibility to make sure seniors or grandparents don’t feel they are left behind, to set up the various communication lines and make it happen?  Sure, it takes time and a little patience to do this.  But isn’t it also one way of showing that we value and care for our elders, and that we want our children to enjoy special relationships with their grandparents?

Want more articles like this one? View our Seniors Blog>>

Super Heroes

By Marc B. Terrill

As we spend this Chanukah Sunday with our families, many of us will think about the heroism demonstrated by the Maccabees, a small band of Jews who stood up for their beliefs against the Greeks and the Syrians. Fighting off an army is an act that most of us will never experience, but, as part of this community and our global Jewish family, we, nonetheless, have the power to perform acts of heroism every day.

Thanks to THE ASSOCIATED’s Annual Campaign, a centralized fund which makes possible the vital programs and services offered through our system of local agencies and our overseas partners, the vulnerable have heroes to turn to in their hours of need.

• Those heroes might be the social workers and counselors at Jewish Community Services who help a mother coping with joblessness and mounting bills find work and feed her family.
• Those heroes might be young adult volunteers serving potato latkes to adults with special needs at a Chanukah gathering at the Jewish Community Center.
• Those heroes might be the youth counselors working with Israeli students holed up in bomb shelters during rocket fire in our sister city, Ashkelon.
• Those heroes might be organizational coaches and teachers providing a child with learning differences the tools needed to be successful in the class room through Shemesh.
• Those heroes might be the team at Weinberg Village who keep the older adult residents engaged, happy and safe in their homes.
• Those heroes might be the therapists providing counseling to survivors of domestic violence and trauma through CHANA and the Shofar Coalition.
• Those heroes might be the dedicated donors and volunteers whose selfless contributions to our community make all of this, and much more, possible.

In Baltimore, we are blessed to have a system of heroes who work together to ensure that daily needs are met with compassion and speed and that future generations are nurtured and guided toward a vibrant tomorrow. The beauty of our community is that, at any given time, any one of us has the power to be a hero, to be that spark of light in someone else’s life. Ask any one of the thousands of volunteers who find their place in THE ASSOCIATED system each year and they will likely tell you that serving that role, fulfilling that mitzvah, fills them with more joy and reward than the effort they put forth.

If you have not yet taken the opportunity to be a hero in our community, to be the person whose gift of talent, time and resources touches countless lives, I invite you to get involved today and feel the warmth that comes from making a difference in our world. You can make your contribution at www.associated.org/donatenow or volunteer your time through Jewish Volunteer Connection, www.jvcbaltimore.org. (Giving your gift before December 31 will enable you to enjoy a tax benefit for 2011.)

And if you are among the heroes in our community – either a professional in our system or a volunteer or donor to THE ASSOCIATED –  I thank you for the work you do on behalf of all the people in Baltimore, Israel and in Jewish communities around the globe who cannot thank you themselves. You are all my heroes and I am so proud that we are part of the same team. Happy Chanukah.

Knowing When to Lend a Hand

By Wendy Garson, LCSW-C
Service Coordination
Jewish Community Services

Asking for help is something most of us don’t like to do — and something everyone has to do at some point. This is a dilemma particularly for the elderly and those with disabilities.  For those who would like to provide help, we seem to be comfortable offering help to others, but are not always sure how we can best be of help.

Who needs our help?  The challenge is to look beyond the obvious; disabilities are not always immediately evident and age does not always determine need for help.  There are varying degrees of disabilities: a person with low vision may need as much help as a person walking with a cane.  A person who appears to be healthy on the outside may in fact have dementia and need some assistance.

What is the right way to help?
There is truly no small act of kindness.  You have only to ask someone who is unable to drive whom you have just taken to a doctor’s appointment, or a person who is recovering from an illness and cannot cook, to whom you delivered a dinner. The kinds of help that we can provide are limitless. Observe the smiles on residents in a nursing home when they are entertained by a group of children or the appreciation of a homeless man when he is handed a knitted scarf at a shelter.

When is the right time to help? The “right” time to help may or may not be crystal clear, but it never hurts to ask. For some people there is never a right time and the offer to help needs to be made, regardless. Even when we know the time is right, such as during shiva or after the birth of a child, we need to recognize that help is often needed before or after a traditional or obvious time period.  The decision of when someone should help and for how long should be made, whenever possible, between the person providing the help and the person receiving it. If you see a person unable to reach an item on a shelf in the grocery store, you can certainly offer to get it down.  If you hear a person having difficulty hearing directions, should you intervene? So often the hearing impaired just need someone to slow down and speak directly to them.  Let the person verbalize what he or she needs.  Perhaps the best answer is that the right time is when your intuition tells you!

Why are there some people who will never ask for help? For many people, personal pride gets in the way of asking for help even when it is obvious that there is a desperate need for assistance. This can be a problem for both youth and the elderly. Lack of knowledge about community resources is another obstacle. If someone in need doesn’t know where to go or what’s available, it can be difficult for them to phrase the right questions to the right source.  It is amazing how much we take for granted when we have lived in the same town all our life or have learned about our community because of our job. Not everyone is so fortunate.

Finally, what stops some people from offering help?  For many the answer is simply time; for others it may be lack of confidence in their own abilities. Some might answer that they don’t want to upset or embarrass someone, while others might say they have never been asked. The good news is that most people do offer and describe helping someone as one of their favorite things to do.  Isn’t it interesting how easy it is to forget this when we are the person asking for help?