Seven Ways to Make a Difference Volunteering for Seniors

by Shelley Weinreb
CHAI (Comprehensive Housing Assistance, Inc.)

It’s a great mitzvah (good deed) to do a kindness for another person. Our sages tell us that each act of kindness is counted and recalled on the ‘Day of Judgment.’ There’s even a tradition that says that every mitzvah we do creates its own angel that testifies on our behalf. Here in this world, we can testify to the wonderful lift we experience when we help another person. In fact, there’s perhaps no better cure for the blues than the warm feeling of making a positive difference in someone’s life.

Here in northwest Baltimore, we are blessed to have a new organization that gives volunteers many opportunities to make a noticeable difference in seniors’ lives: Northwest Neighbors Connecting (NNC).

Developed with the help of local seniors, THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore and CHAI (Comprehensive Housing Assistance, Inc.), NNC brings neighbors together by connecting older adults with volunteers to create a growing, responsive “village” or network of support. Volunteers give their time to help in a variety of life-enhancing ways. Here are seven of the most popular:

1. Be the “wheels” they no longer have
If you’ve ever had to insist that a senior stop driving, you know how difficult it can be. Not being able to go anywhere you want, whenever you want, feels like a prison sentence to many who fear the loss of their independence. By driving a senior to the doctor, store, library, etc., you help restore their sense of independence and empowerment. You, in turn, can make new friends, hear new stories and learn about the area where you live, just by giving someone a ride.

2. Check in with a visit or phone call
In August of 2003, a “holocaust of the elderly” occurred in France when over 10,000 seniors died in the worst heat wave on record. Many of them lived alone and perished from the heat simply because no one looked in on them. This is an extreme example of the importance of this simple, kind mitzvah that can brighten someone’s life or save it. Through NNC, you can volunteer to be a friendly caller and keep tabs on your neighbor.

3. Take a senior shopping
Whether it’s a trip to the supermarket or the mall, taking an older adult shopping is a wonderful mitzvah that promotes independence and helps them feel functional and “normal.” It also takes them out of their home, where they spend almost all their time. Taking a senior shopping is a wonderful experience for your kids as well.

4. Do light chores
Assisting with simple chores around the house is greatly appreciated, from changing a light bulb to taking out the trash.

5. Help with computers or cellphones
You don’t need to be a super techie to help a senior make sense of today’s phones and computers. If you’re patient and can explain the basics in simple, step-by-step language, you can bring a senior into the 21st century. Activities like setting up a Facebook account, programming numbers into a phone and helping a senior email her grandchildren open up a whole new world for an older adult.

6. Join a Northwest Neighbors Connecting committee
Volunteering for an NNC committee is a great way to get to know the organization and its family of members. NNC needs volunteers for its Advocacy Committee, Caring Committee, Service Coordination Committee, Outreach Committee, Finance Committee and more.

7. Become a friend
When a person volunteers, their focus is on giving, not receiving. But the truth is that giving always comes with a hidden gift. And at NNC, that gift is the relationships formed. More than the typical organization, NNC is a community of members and volunteers who are there for each other as friends…connecting and caring.

To learn more about joining or volunteering for NNC, call Risyl Edelman at 410-500-5319 or email nncbaltimore@gmail.com.

For a first-hand look, come to one of NNC’s June events:
• June 6, 6:30 – 8:30 p.m. – Retirement Chat, 3721 Glen Avenue
• June 12, 11:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m. – Emergency Preparedness Information Session, Myerberg Senior Center, 3101 Fallstaff Road
• June 25, 2:00 – 4:00 p.m. – NNC General Meeting Weinberg Park, 5833 Park Heights Avenue
• June 30, 2:00 – 5:00 p.m. – White Elephant Sale, Myerberg Senior Center, 3101 Fallstaff Road

Every Story Matters

By Lauren Klein, Director of Family Philanthropy

Jewish tradition is rich with stories we have passed down for generations. Stories retell our history, transmit our values, and pass along important life lessons. Stories are a powerful, inspirational and educational tool.

At the seder last month, we gathered with families and friends to remember the Passover story. We are commanded to tell the story of the Exodus. “Remember” is a theme of the evening. “Remember that you were strangers in the land of Egypt … Remember that the Lord took you out of the bondage of slavery.”

Sharing stories gives every family member a new and important connection to the past. It also enables you to capture stories, connect generations and preserve legacies. Do you know your family story?

Nearly 30 years ago, my husband interviewed his grandparents, and the discussion was recorded on audiotape. They talked about what life was like for them growing up and described different people in their family. Listening to it now is priceless because in addition to having a record of his family’s history, he has a permanent keepsake of his grandparents’ voices. It is also a unique gift for our children, who are now eight and 10 years old. What originated as a simple school project has turned into a special family treasure.

I encourage you to use every opportunity to talk to your parents and grandparents to hear their stories. You will learn about their role models, guiding values, work ethics and approaches to charitable giving.

You might be struggling over where to begin. I think the beginning is a good place to start. I’m sure some valuable life lessons were learned early in their lives. Here are some suggested questions:

• What was your family life like growing up?
• How did your family celebrate holidays when you were a child?
• Who were the family members that most influenced you?
• What causes are most important to you?
• Were there any turning points that changed the course of your life?

By using these questions as a conversation starter, you will glean helpful and sentimental wisdom that will be passed from one generation to the next.

Everyone has a story. It’s a special story. It’s a story worth telling.

Join THE ASSOCIATED’s Center for Funds & Foundations on Wednesday, April 24, 2013 at noon for an inspiring program, “Every Story Matters.”

For more information, contact Lauren Klein, Director of Family Philanthropy, at 410-369-9278 or http:// lklein@associated.org.

New Models To Help Seniors Age In Their Communities

By Lane Levine
Community Network Director
CHAI: Comprehensive Housing Assistance Inc.

On July 3 of last year, 30 neighborhood residents, many of them seniors, piled into Risyl Edelman’s home on Glen Avenue. Although they came for 30 different reasons – some to make a safer community for themselves and their neighbors, others to get things back to how they used to be and still others to get a ride to the doctor once in a while – they all had one overriding goal in common.

These residents were here to plan an innovative initiative for their community. Northwest Neighbors Connecting would support seniors hoping to remain and age in their community.

They began by writing this mission statement:

“Northwest Neighbors Connecting is a support system comprised of individuals offering and seeking support in the Northern Park Heights community. We engage each other, professionals, volunteers and community organizations, to provide a “round-the clock” network to assist us and our neighbors with social interaction, transportation, household upkeep, and day-to-day activity. We envision an interdependent community in which all residents are safe, secure and connected.”

Northwest Neighbors Connecting (NNC) has grown – in numbers, in acts of support between members, in sophistication, in breadth – to an organization ready to go. By its launch in March, Northwest Neighbors Connecting plans to have 100 members signed up, who are driving each other to appointments, teaching each other skills, holding social events, making friendly check-in calls, preparing for emergencies together and much more. NNC wants to be the force in Northern Park Heights that transforms the way we care for one another.

NNC is the first of what will be a series of organizations in Northwest Baltimore fashioned after the Village Model – a mutual support system intended to support seniors to age well in their community. The idea of the Village is that people have access to support from their neighbors in accomplishing the tasks that get a little harder, and that become a little more of a barrier, as the years go by.

With Villages popping up all over the country, we are seeing seniors able to remain in their communities and no longer feel pressured by life’s difficulties to move to assisted living or nursing homes. In the coming years, we expect NNC to flourish and other Village-style organizations to start, ultimately forming the Supportive Community Network.

How did we get here? NNC, and the overarching Supportive Community Network, got their start when THE ASSOCIATED: Jewish Community Federation of Baltimore decided that the agencies that have been serving our growing number of seniors can only reach a portion of the people who actually need support.

And, a lot of the support people need is the kind that only their neighbors can give them – little favors here and there, rides to appointments and some social connection.

After a year of research and work involving various stakeholders, THE ASSOCIATED decided to try out the Village model, and provide support to the community so they could organize and meet their own needs. They looked to CHAI, your local community development organization, as the organization to initiate the work.

NNC began organizing out of CHAI back in March, with humble conversations on a one-to-one basis. We talked to our neighbors and spoke with people we knew had something to offer and something to gain. From each person’s perspective, each person’s suggestions, we began to form a structure that reflected the needs of this neighborhood. We built slowly — hosting meetings in people’s kitchens and dining rooms, small information sessions in apartment buildings, brainstorming sessions during a walk around the block – however we could get together, we did.

Now, NNC has about 80 active members and eight committees – all vibrant with the work of figuring out how to care for each other. Our Service Coordination committee is figuring out a system to provide seniors with volunteer drivers to the doctor, hair appointment or grocery store; our Advocacy committee is developing ways to support our members in dealing with difficult retailers, landlords or public agencies in their lives. Our Outreach committee is reaching out to synagogues, condominium boards and libraries – and hosting diversity dialogues to make our internal community better able to treat each other with respect. The list goes way, way on.

Our Social Events committee has been especially busy. They hosted an Emergency Preparedness training in January.

Call to be a part of NNC – as a volunteer, as a member – 410-662-6620 or email us at nncbaltimore@gmail.com – get connected!

On January 27th, come on by the Myerberg Center from 4:00 – 7:00 p.m. for a White Elephant Sale – you never know what you’ll find! And then on February 27th, we will have a Wine, Cheese and Art party at the Elmont Condominiums – 6317 Park Heights Avenue. Join the fun!

Join us for our official Launch Party on Sunday, March 10, 2:00 – 5:00 p.m. at the Pikesville Senior Center. There will be something for everyone.

Caring for Aging Parents with Honor and Reverence

By Shelley Weinreb
Marketing Coordinator
CHAI: Comprehensive Housing Assistance, Inc.

From baby carriage to wheelchair, life has a way of coming full circle. We start out being totally dependent on our parents and often end up being totally dependent on our children. Many ‘baby boomers’ dealing with aging parents must balance functioning as their parents’ decision maker with according their parents the honor and respect they deserve.

Judaism places a high priority on honoring parents. “Honor thy father and mother” is one of the most well known of the Ten Commandments. The Jewish tradition teaches that the mitzvah includes both honoring and revering.

To honor our parents means to care for their needs, such as:

• bring them food
• prepare meals
• do grocery shopping
• manage the payment of bills
• handle banking
• take them to the doctor

To revere our parents means to distinguish clearly between who is the parent and who is the child, knowing that the two are not equal. Examples include:

• not raising your voice or speaking disrespectfully
• not contradicting a parent (even if they’re obviously wrong)
• not sitting in their designated place unless first getting permission
• not waking a resting parent

A story is told in the Talmud of the son of a jeweler who refused to disturb his sleeping father when representatives from the Temple in Jerusalem came to his door, wishing to buy precious gems for the High Priest’s breastplate. The key to the family’s diamond vault was under the father’s pillow and the son would not wake his father, even at the cost of losing a fortune in diamond sales. The next year, a rare and valuable red heifer was born to a cow in the jeweler’s herd, and representatives once again came from the Temple to pay a large sum for its purchase. This time, the father was not sleeping, and the previous year’s loss was more than fully recouped. The Talmud praises the son’s selfless act as a laudable example of honoring one’s father and mother.

The Torah promises long life as a reward to those who honor their parents. Perhaps one reason is that caring for parents — especially when they are elderly – can take up a lot of time. By adding extra years to a person’s life, G-d “compensates,” so to speak for the time spent.

Of course, just doing the mitzvah is its own reward. After a lifetime of our parents giving to us, it feels good to give back to them.

For more information on CHAI’s many services available for seniors, call 410-500-5315.

If you’d like to volunteer for CHAI’s Northwest Neighbors Connecting volunteer support network for seniors, call 410-500-5307.

Confessions of a Middle-aged Orphan

By Barbara Levy Gradet, LCSW
Executive Director
Jewish Community Services

Losing one’s parents in middle age is a common life passage that has only recently received serious attention. And, losing our last parent is a very profound experience as it forces us to confront our mortality in new ways.

Those of us who are parents ourselves certainly hope and expect to predecease our children as the normal order of life. Our parents hoped and assumed that to be the course of their lives, as well.

So why should it be especially difficult for us to lose our parents when we have expected all our lives to experience these losses?  Does it make a difference that due to health care improvements, most of us have had or will have our parents for many more years than previous generations? And, why does our own death seem to be closer when our last parent dies?

Many authors have written eloquently about this life passage that is now impacting the Baby Boom generation. Even with our parents living longer than their parents did, middle age, or at least our new definition of middle age (50s through 60s) remains the time when most of us will lose our parents. Like everything that affects Boomers, becoming middle-aged orphans is the subject of many books and articles.

Alexander Levy, in his book, “The Orphaned Adult: Understanding and Coping with Grief and Change After the Death of Our Parents,” explores how relationships change after our parents die, the importance of grieving, and what we can learn from this experience.  Virginia Ironside, in her book, “You’ll Get Over It – The Rage of Bereavement,” writes, “When my father died and I was suddenly parentless, I felt pushed into the front line. My father, the buffer zone between myself and death, was gone. Now I was in no-parents land with snipers all around me. I was next.”

Jeanne Safer, author of “Death Benefits,” has a different perspective to share. She writes, “The death of a parent — any parent — can set us free. It offers us our last, best chance to become our truest, deepest selves.” Safer goes on to say, “Nothing else in adult life has so much unrecognized potential to help us become more fulfilled human beings — wiser, more mature, more open, less afraid.”

So who is right? Is losing your last parent a difficult passage, fraught with grief and feelings that you are no longer protected from mortality?  Or, is losing your last parent a freeing experience that allows you to become more fulfilled?

No one can answer this for anyone else. As grief is experienced in very personal ways, losing your parents means different things to different people. I can only speak for myself. I became a middle-aged orphan three years ago with my mother’s death. And my experience brings me to the conclusion that each of these authors is right, to a degree.

I do miss my parents every day. I also feel next in line but don’t find myself dwelling on this, since both of my parents lived well into their nineties. I am aware that the relationship I have with my brother has changed and we need to continue to make sure that we remain connected — despite our parents no longer being here to be our primary bridge.

Like many in our community, I was very fortunate to receive support from Jewish Community Services in finding resources for my parents that helped to relieve some of the strain of caregiving. And I now do feel a sense of freedom from the many years of caregiving responsibility, though I never felt that to be a burden but rather something I was privileged to give back to my parents.

I doubt that my personal experience is unique, that is, experiencing a complex set of emotions, sometimes contradictory ones. The experience of becoming an orphan can bring sadness, loss, change, and relief. And each of these emotions is okay.

If you are experiencing the loss of your parents or any loss or if you need support in your role as caregiver, you don’t have to go it alone.  Jewish Community Services offers counseling for individuals and families, as well as community bereavement groups throughout the year for those who have lost a parent or a spouse.

Learn more about Jewish Community Services>>

Call 410-466-9200.   We can help.

Honey, Honey!

By Esther Apt
Jewish Community Center

‘Tis the season to dip your apples… and make new friends!

With the crisp air and fall weather around the corner, I am anticipating the start of one of my favorite food seasons as well.  In just a few short weeks at our Rosh Hashanah tables, a delicious pairing of foods will take place- the magic of apples and honey.

The unique taste of sweet honey with fresh apples evokes memories of previous Rosh Hashanah’s spent with dear family and friends. Many of us reminisce of holiday food and apples of all types and colors picked fresh from the trees. Just like different apples have different tastes, honey has its own breed of distinct tastes and flavors as well!

But, did you know that there are three different categories of honey?

•  Comb honey from a honeycomb
• Liquid honey which has been extracted, creamed or granulated honey
• Chunk honey found in a jar

All together there are over 300 unique types of honey available in the United States. In general, light-colored honey is much milder in taste and dark-colored honey is stronger.

Want to learn more?
Join us on Sunday, September 9 at 11:00 a.m. at the Rosenbloom Owings Mills Jewish Community Center for a Bagel Brunch & Honey Tasting. Singles ages 55+ can enjoy bagels with all the fixings while they get a chance to meet and mingle.

Make this a start of a sweet new year by trying different flavored honey with a tasting and conversation led by local food maven, Eli Schlossberg, president of a consulting company specializing in gourmet and kosher marketing and distribution.  Want to strike up a conversation with that special someone? Impress them with some fun facts about this sweet Rosh Hashanah treat!

Stop by our Rosh Hashanah Luncheon, Wednesday, September 12 at 12:00 p.m. at the Weinberg Park Heights Jewish Community Center to start a sweat year. Enjoy a delicious holiday meal and a honey tasting. Conversation about Jewish foods and traditions will be led by Eli Schlossberg. Share your traditions with lifelong friends and new friends.

Prior to Yom Kippur, explore the origins, evolution and manifestations of the Kaddish prayer on Wednesday, September 19 at 7:00 p.m.at the Gordon Center for Performing Arts. Join us for A Discussion with BSO Maestra, Marin Alsop & Chazzan Emanuel Perlman of Chizuk Amuno Congregation and learn the story behind the composition of Bernstein’s Symphony No. 3 Kaddish and find out how the BSO will perform it. Then meet us at the Meyerhoff on Sunday, September 30 at 3:00 p.m. to watch the performance together.

For more information on singles programs at the JCC for ages 55+, contact Melissa at 410-559- 3593 or mberman@jcc.org.

“Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…” A Woman’s View

By Lizbeth Schoen, LCSW-C
Therapy Services
Jewish Community Services in Howard County

We baby boomers are aging.  You may have noticed:  our vision changes, our middles thicken, our faces sag, sleep becomes elusive, joints stiffen, hair thins.  We have hot flashes or we are cold all the time.  We gain weight no matter what.  The list goes on and on.

We are at a time in our lives when our self-image and identity may be shifting as our bodies and our roles in life begin to change.

Children grow up and leave to start their own lives.  We may be caring for our parents or may have become middle-aged orphans.  We become grandmothers, caregivers, widowed or divorced.

As we begin to redefine who we are inside, it can be natural to scrutinize our outer appearance, too, and fixate on the changes and signs of aging.

Every day we face ourselves in the mirror.  Many of us wish we had a different shape or size, a younger complexion, fewer wrinkles, more firmness here, less fat there.  Can we even remember when we last wore a bathing suit in public?  We may struggle to find clothes that fit and that are flattering or stylish.  We try to look more like some ideal image that doesn’t really exist.  It’s hard not to think this way when the media bombards us with pictures (sometimes doctored) of glamorous, young and thin models and celebrities.

How do we value ourselves?  How do we face the challenges to feel good about ourselves as we age in a culture that puts so much value on youthfulness and how women look?

We know the advice and many of us try hard to follow it. Eat healthy food, exercise regularly, learn to meditate, spend time with friends, do something that you find meaningful and purposeful, pursue a hobby, stimulate your brain, practice gratitude.

There are role models for embracing this time in our lives.  Who are the strong, capable women in public life whom you admire because they are making the world a better place?  Look around: what about our own mothers and grandmothers, teachers and older mentors?

But perhaps the most important thing we can do about our body image is, finally, after so many years of resisting it, accept ourselves as we are and as we change. Our wrinkles, jowls, thick waistlines and grey hair are testaments to the lives we lived, the babies we bore, the worries we carried, the million problems we solved, the meals we cooked, the love we gave and the selflessness with which we gave it.
Check out “Women, Websites and Body Image”>>

To learn more about how JCS can help you and your family deal with the changes and challenges of aging, and help you solve life’s puzzles, visit www.jcsbaltimore.org or call 410-466-9200.

“It” is about getting old….

By Wendy Garson, LCSW-C
Therapy Services
Jewish Community Services

It is a table full of photographs of a life long lived. It is the challenge to make it through the day with gratitude for all that has passed and acceptance for that which lies ahead. It is holding on tight to an identity well deserved yet easily lost. It is times spent alone and times too often forgotten.

It is the desire to do and the need to do it differently. It is pleasure derived from the little things and the little things that make all the difference. It is muffled sounds and sights no longer seen. It is finding the balance between an appreciation for the new and a respect for the past. It is denial when necessary and laughter when it fits. It is the teaching of a life lesson and the hope that it is heard. It is taking time to say I’m sorry and making sure there are no regrets.

It is the surprise of a new friendship and the comfort of company with a shared history. It is being a role model without intent. It is an abundance of time and an hour glass that is creeping to empty. It is a language unknown and a wish for the familiar. It is recognizing a new order while remembering the rites and rituals of the past. It is embracing the privileges and respect shown age and knowing when it is due.

It is a determination to ignore the pain and the reality of new limitations. It is a purpose that changes with time but is never far from the surface. It is living in the moment whatever that moment brings. It is a dance with time and giving up the need to lead. It is taking pride in those accomplishments that mean no less now than when they occurred.

It is accepting help with grace and not forgetting to offer it when needed. It is coping with losses and the pain that follows. It is remembering a number does not define age but rather an attitude. It is the discovery of new information and the need to hold on to old truths.

It is enjoying a moment of relaxing without guilt, shame or embarrassment. It is a movement no matter how small or how fast. It is listening to an internal clock and being your own time keeper. It is knowing when to be assertive and when to defer. It is looking at problems as challenges and challenges as opportunities.

It is a spirit that continues to throb, dreams that change with time and a thirst for love that is never quenched.

For information on resources and services for older adults, their families and caregivers, call Jewish Community Services at 410-466-9200 or visit www.jcsbaltimore.org.

Senior Spotlight: Meet JCC Para-Professional, Ruth Saperstein

Meet Ruth! Ruth works on behalf of Senior Friendly Neighborhoods, a joint program of the Jewish Community Center, CHAI, LifeBridge and Jewish Community Services.

Says Ruth:

“I live in the Windsor House on Park Heights Avenue where the other residents and I are lucky enough to benefit from Senior Friendly Neighborhoods (SFN) programming. When I moved here three years ago, I became part of the SFN Senior Advisory Committee, now I work part time as the liaison between the residents of my building and JCC Warm House Coordinator, Malka Zweig. I help Malka plan monthly activities for the people that live here. I also help her to spread the word about senior programs happening at the JCC. I am very happy that I chose to move to Baltimore. I have wonderful friends here and the community has an abundance of resources for seniors.”

Do you know a senior who should be spotlighted for his/her work in Jewish Baltimore? Send us an email to social@associated.org.

Techno-Savvy Grandparents Keep in Touch

By Irene Kushner
Support Services Coordinator
Service Coordination, Jewish Community Services

Last year, the nation marked the 65th birthday of the first Baby Boomers.  The rate at which this age group has adapted to technology is understandably lagging behind the generations who have come after them. But the rate at which their children and grandchildren are using technology is climbing very fast.

Today, millions of American families are separated by distances that are too wide to make day-to-day grand-parenting possible.   Just look around.  How many of your friends, colleagues or neighbors live in families with three generations present? How many grandparents live near their children and grandchildren?

The more family trees branch off — as children head out of state to college, Boomers relocate for work, and grandparents move to warmer areas — the harder it is to stay in touch.  Geographical distances strain the real life, face-to-face relationships that we value.   It’s very easy to take important relationships and slide them to the side if they are not in front of you as often as those on your computer or phone.

Many grandparents will tell you they’ll do everything they possibly can to communicate with their grandkids.  Most Boomers understand they must jump on the Facebook/Skype/texting bandwagon, or be left permanently out of the loop.  Grandparents are using their own ingenuity to keep their grandchildren emotionally close, and more and more are embracing the new technology.  They reap enormous emotional benefits through online communication with family and friends.  The Internet uplifts their spirits and creates new life for them, making them feel young again. Video conferencing is the most satisfying experience that enables seniors to see and talk with their loved ones in real time.

Here’s what seniors are saying:

“I’ve got 2 grandkids. If I send them a text, they will respond 10 times quicker than they’ll respond to a voice mail.”

“I can log on to Facebook to see what my grandkids are doing through their posts.  I love seeing pictures of their activities and travels.”

“You can write messages any time to your grandchildren without disturbing them.”

“I get a thrill out of impressing my granddaughter with my technical know-how.”

We grew up with lined paper and the heft of a fine writing instrument.  But now there is an entire generation of kids growing up who have never experienced what life was like before social networking sites.  There are a million arguments for completely ignoring Facebook and other social media:

“Why can’t they just…?”

“What was wrong with…?”

“Hand-written this or that…”

And nobody under the age of 40 cares about any of it.  None of it matters anymore.  We are old dogs who must betray the saying and learn new tricks. We must commit to keeping up with the way that communication happens today, or else it will be happening among all the people we care about, without us.

Do you think it’s the adult children’s responsibility to make sure seniors or grandparents don’t feel they are left behind, to set up the various communication lines and make it happen?  Sure, it takes time and a little patience to do this.  But isn’t it also one way of showing that we value and care for our elders, and that we want our children to enjoy special relationships with their grandparents?

Want more articles like this one? View our Seniors Blog>>